lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
