You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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