But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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