I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
