your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
