Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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