I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
why is half of my head shaved?
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