I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
