UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
