oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
