Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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