is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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