He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
