you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
