win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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