I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
