a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
