Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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