Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize