Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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