I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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