Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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