I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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