my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
