Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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