she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
