Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
