I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to calm my uterus...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize