I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
