You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
