STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
