I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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