sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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