dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
