Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
