My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
