epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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