I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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