you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
