You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was like getting head from an anaconda
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
