I want to stick my p in your. b.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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