He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize