Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
