he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize