I faked an abortion last night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
