All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
