I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
