Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
