Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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