once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
