Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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