he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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