I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
