She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
