There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
