need another drink. this is the easiest way
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
