So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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