I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
