I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His nipple licking is glorious
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