oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
