just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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