im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
