Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
