I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize