I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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