he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
