I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
