my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
