You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
