Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize