You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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