Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
false alarm, still single
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
