Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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