No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
