the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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