Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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