she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone came in the potted fern
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
