you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
