When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
