who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
