jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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