I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
