I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
In America we eat man semen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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