I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
