this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
