After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
