no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
