Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
