well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
