Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
