dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's blow job season.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize