i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
