I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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