Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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