Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
