im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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