That's intense
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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