I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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