So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize