in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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