I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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