saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
