I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
