I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
